King James Satanic Bible
by Musegaarid
Summary: The story of Adam's origins, written for a challenge last year in a rather familiar style.  Warnings for blasphemy, puns, flippancy, and disguised violence.


1 - And it came to pass in those days, that the daughters of men were fair and much beloved by the sons of heaven.

2 - (And this love was pure and holy and without sin.)

3 - And all went according to the will of God, that the two remain separate.

4 - And Satan, our Lord and Master, went up from hell, out of the city of Dis, into Judaea, unto the village of Zillan; (because he was the father of Canita, the beauteous;)

5 - To introduce Michael, the archangel, to Canita, who was soon great with child though she had no husband.

6 - And so it was, that, while Satan was there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7 - And she brought forth her firstborn daughter and wrapped her in swaddling clothes to disguise the yellow of her hair and blue of her eyes.

8 - And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9 - And, lo, the demon of the Lord came upon them, and the darkness of the Lord covered them: and they were sore afraid.

10 - And the demon said unto them, Fear: for behold, I bring you orders that you shall follow lest you exist in pain and misery forever, which shall be to all people.

11 - For unto you is born this day in the village of Zillan a child, which is the great unto the sixty-sixth generation grandmother of Antichrist the Lord.

12 - And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, take her to the North.

13 - And suddenly there was with the demon a multitude of the hellish host praising Satan, and saying,

14 - Glory to Satan in the lowest, and on earth war, ill will toward men.

15 - And it came to pass, as the demons were gone away from them into hell, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Zillan, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us

16 - And they came with haste, and found Canita and the babe lying in a manger.

17 - And when they had seen them, they snatched the mother and child and fled under cover of night.

18 - And all they that heard it wondered at those things which had happened.

19 - But Canita kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.

20 - And the shepherds obeyed, glorifying and praising Satan for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

21 - But when eight days were accomplished for the difficult trip to the North, the child was called Botas, which was so named of the demon before she was conceived in the womb.

22 - And the shepherds offered a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, a kid.

23 - And so it came to pass that Botas became a woman, beautiful, tall, and powerful.

24 - And Mair, the son of Raphael, the archangel, equally fair and powerful, looked upon Botas with lust in his heart and took her to wife.

25 - And Botas begat Mendali, who begat Longi, who begat Michelle, who begat Jenai, who begat Jirlin, who begat Anda,

26 - Who begat Beli, who begat Zuniquata, who begat Iandi, who begat Prest, who begat Urdhu, who begat Hile,

27 - Who begat Guit, who begat Oinge, who begat Reita, who begat Waine, who begat Balia, who begat Yren,

28 - Who begat Thalia, who begat Nambi, who begat Aud, who begat Bera, who begat Gudrid, who begat Halla,

29 - Who begat Hild, who begat Lujil, who begat Ingun, who begat Melkora, who begat Are, who begat Runa,

30 - Who begat Signy, who begat Tofa, who begat Enip, who begat Paem, who began Unn, who begat Vina,

31 - Who begat Blanei, who begat Gulla, who begat Nav, who begat Sveni, who begat Tharga, who begat Nran,

32 - Who begat Yrsa, who begat Baerbel, who begat Silja, who begat Ute, who begat Wiebke, who begat Gisela,

33 - Who begat Heike, who begat Swenja, who begat Dagmar, who begat Elke, who begat Franziska, who begat Grethe,

34 - Who begat Gerlinda, who begat Hedwig, who begat Birgit, who begat Frauke, who begat Liesel, who begat Petra,

35 - Who begat Sibylle, who begat Mieke, who begat Ingeborg, who begat Jutta, who begat Tatiana, who begat Adam, who was the son of Satan.

36 - And for all the ages of man, the Lord guided the daughters of Michael to their brothers and brothers' sons.

37 - And all of their children were fair, blonde, and strong.

38 - And when Tatiana had reached eighteen years, she became the favoured of the Lord.

39 - And a demon appeared unto her in a blaze of fire.

40 - And he said unto her, Ye will be the conduit to Armageddon.

41 - And she wept with joy to hear the words for she had been raised properly obedient.

42 - Thus it was that Satan came unto her and Tatiana was with child.

43 - And she stayed during her confinement within the allocated space in the country of Deutschland with the rising of the sun.

44 - And so it was, that, while she was there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

45 - And she brought forth her firstborn son, who did much resemble his Father.

46 - And a demon appeared to take the child, saying unto her, Wot, that's 'im?

47 - And a second demon smote the first and proclaimed, All hail Satan.

48 - And the demons offered a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, Tatiana.

49 - Thus was the Antichrist child brought to England and put unto the care of the Serpent.

50 - Who then lost him.

51 - And when the news was discovered, the rage of the Lord was upon him.

52 - And it was only the vast power of the Adam Antichrist that saved him.


End file.
